Holy Spirit you are welcome here,
Come flood this place and fill this atmosphere.
Know this song? If not, It’s a popular one on the radio these days.
I love it. Every time, like every-single-time it brings me to this place of peace.
EXCEPT. When Bella is in the back seat doing what four year olds do… TALK-talk-TALKING!
Each car ride is both a delight and true test of patience. They are cute, these four year olds, are they not? So adorably cute. I can look in the rear view mirror and at any given point she can make me explode in laughter she’s so darn cute – be it in the way she’s bopping around to a hip-hop song or the way she sings her little-but-really-HUGE heart out for Jesus, arms first fully extended out then arms clasped together at her chest, voice so loudly singing out of tune.
It is beautiful.
(And funny. It’s funny too.)
Sometimes she’s playing with little knick knacks she’s found in the back trunk space; of whose full intentions I have to drop off at Goodwill – but she's determined to squeeze out the last little bit of fun from them!
Sometimes she is coloring. With pens, with crayons, with markers. Then she wants me to turn around and look back and see her picasso. Each time she asks, I turn and then advise that I'm driving. But we all know I'll still turn around and look the next time she asks, because well... #parentguilt.
Sometimes she is dropping things. Then yelling at me to do some houdini move while driving so as to retrieve that little piece of something or other that she might die without if she doesn’t have it like NOW!
But regardless of what exactly she is doing, I can guarantee you one thing she is always doing… TALKING.
No. Stop. Don’t say it. I already know. “Like Mother. Like Daughter.” But whatever, it’s true. She is a mini-me. And she is always-ALWAYS talking.
The little peanut just wants to be heard. I get it.
But it’s the constant part I don't do very well.
I just want quiet. In the morning while I’m still waking up.
After work while I’m still coming down.
The Quiet. The Silence. Gawd, you guys, I need head space. I crave it. In fact, sometimes I realize just how much I use head space as an escape. It often feels safer in my day-dream world instead of the real world. So I go there often. Sort of like an addiction. I run, I hide. It's my safe house, my fort in the forrest of life. And music... well it always invites me into that space!
But this morning….. you guys, this morning. The Holy Spirit song came one and at that exact same time Bella asked me to listen to her count to 20. TWENTY!! I was so tempted to accept the invitation of the song, the invitation to escape. So tempted.
Ooooone. Twoooooo. Threeeee. She began
IMMA just listen to the song, I thought.
But something in me said NO, LISTEN TO HER. THAT. Is actually your more sacred option, Kaylee!
So the song played on but my ears were all hers.
18.104.22.168.22.214.171.124.126.96.36.199.188.8.131.52.184.108.40.206. TWENTY! She did it. And I made it.
Twenty seconds of being present.
Twenty seconds of being all hers, all ears.
Twenty seconds of sacred.
I cheered upon completion. She smiled, satisfied and full from her mommy's attention and admiration.
I used to think that to be holy was to be set apart in a way that meant I felt peace. Part of me still believes this to be true. But what I'm starting to learn is that in this life, we don't always have to feel peace, sometimes we just need to choose it.
Thing is. I still heard the song. But instead of the song being my peace, I chose peace on my own and thus got to engage in the presence of my daughter. I got to be in reality; not my daydream world I'm so good at creating. I got to show up in a way that was beautiful and full. And it was sacred.
I think this is what Jesus meant when he said Martha had picked the better choice.
It wasn’t about the doing. Mary or Martha could have been sitting or hosting. I think it was just that Martha was the present one. Mary’s head was off someplace else, day dreaming, planning and "hosting" the guests in a sense that she was missing the magic-sacredy parts of life that Jesus meant when he said he came to give us fullness of life. He came to gave us relationships if we would but chose to relate.
So today. may the songs on the radio, the daydreaming and the actions we do only be the background melody of the true song being orchestrated in each of our present moments. May we be mindful of the now.
May we hear and see the sacred happening before us, around and within us.
May we be the type of people that would create space for counting to twenty.